A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] – Goblins

A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] – Goblins

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70 Responses

  1. nack287 says:

    “Better than Kobolds…”

    Them’s fightin’ words, bud.

  2. EvilSandwich says:

    I’ve been a DM for over 20 years. And I have just one thing to say.

    Goblins man! They are a staple for a goddamn reason! New DM’s! Don’t be ashamed to use them! Trust me on this one!

    • Craig Prime says:

      I’ve been a DM for 3 weeks, can confirm, as for a whole 4 hour session my group fought literally nothing but goblins and a single chance encounter with a giant boar.

      Was told I’m the best DM they had, I think they just don’t want to DM themselves or appreciate me making funny voices.

    • Oniphire says:

      A DM on Reddit said his party of untouchable paladins and super hidey rogues was destroying his encounters without even getting scratched. I told him to look up the myriad videos and posts on goblins using tactics. He responded later that one of his rogues was nearly pinged to death by slingshots and the party warlock got to save him and make a big deal of it 😀

  3. Daluna13 says:

    Jo: Make them so Unexpectedly Attractive
    Me: He’s gonna Show Brackyzoid’s art isnt he
    Me: Yup

  4. ChaosHavox says:

    “Jocat: WE got plushies! The First 100 sales get 15 percent off!” *Literally Sold out within 2 minutes of the video posted*

  5. Wesly Z says:

    “Cannon fodder.”

    *That’s a bold statement for someone in Booyahg distance.*

  6. Number1Candyman says:

    “Now that’s the general idea of what goblins are supposed to be in the forgotten realms but this is DnD which means everybody breaks the rules more than an episode of Yugioh”. That line is gold.

  7. - Tomato - says:

    Fury of the small?


  8. MrAwsomenoob says:

    So bit of a story, The first time i ever DMed i started the players off in a town that had recently been attacked by a goblin army. But luckily the town defeated them. But now the surrounding forest is filled with goblins and the town had put a bounty for every goblin slain.

    So the party is doing a hunting quest for the town to collect wild boar and after they killed a few and were heading back to town this girl who was playing for the first time decides that this is to boring and her character goes wondering off into the woods, at twilight, without a torch, all alone.

    I rolled encounter, GOBLINS. five of them and it’s now night.

    She got her ass kicked so bad because she was one of the races that doesn’t have dark vision so she couldn’t see or hit them. But luckily the party finds her before she dies.
    Her:”WTF why did you do that to me?”
    My vet friend: “He told us there were goblins in the forest and that the town had a bounty on them. And you ran off by yourself at night.”

  9. NERON 42 says:

    Fun fact: there is a playable variant of goblin called the dankwood goblin that is only found in adventures with muk(to my knowledge at least)
    Its a smarter druidic-ish goblin.

  10. imbw267 says:

    JoCat has awakened true power of Youtube: Selling Merch

  11. Leah Rhodes says:

    Me: I dont need it, its just a plushie

    Brain: hehe fluffy buy now

  12. JG Sword Reviews and Costume Weapons says:

    “Superior to kobolds in every way”

    You realize you just turned every fan of Zito on you, right? Lol

  13. Matthew Hilliker says:

    Ah the sexy goblin.
    AKA: Your “Shortstacks” awakening.

    Another source of awakenings is Imp Midna from Twilight Princess.

    • Dark Sun says:

      But wait waht about the sexy ones 😈

    • Apocryph Gaming says:

      I have no idea what a shortstack is in this context and now I’m stuck in this limbo where I’m both afraid to Google it AND YET I REALLY MUST.

    • pola samier wahsh says:

      I need some explanations good sir

    • Black Knight Rex says:

      @Apocryph Gaming A shortstack refers to a short woman, about 5 ft. Or less to give an example, whos also very curvaceous. They are mostly bottom heavy when it comes to assets, but they are often also equally as busty as well.

      To give an example, Midna from Twilight princess is often the first character many people call a shortstack.

    • Torcularis says:

      @Apocryph Gaming If you’re afraid, don’t be. It’s just short girls with curvy figures. Usually monster girls, but not always.

  14. Travis Williams says:

    Final scene is silly. We all know the instant jocat senses danger he casts fireball. There would be no goblins left to dogpile him.

  15. Gamelink Reviews says:

    “And being superior to kobolds in every way.”

    *Zito will remember that*

  16. Joshua Turnquist says:

    No joke about how DnD goblins look nothing like how people depict them? Everyone draws them as cute little green fellas (because that’s the best design), but official DnD art has them as freaky little yellow people who are too muscular for being so weak.

    Anyway, small green goblins are the best goblins.

    • The Salamanders says:

      As a DM the way I portray goblins is a mix of all three, civilised goblins have a mixture between adorable and attractive and wild goblins are akin to moria orcs from lotr. The theory is that civilised goblins changed over time like humans and dogs for example being more attractive and easier on the eyes, wild goblins are like if we looked at cavemen today where they bred on the basis of strength, ruthlessness and sheer brutality to reach adulthood and to find a partner.

    • Demi Numenera says:

      Pathfinder goblin art is seriously messed up. they look like a cross between Zippy and a shark

    • CulixIII says:

      I feel like the public consensus is that DnD books are wrong if they claim goblins aren’t cute li’l greenbeans, just like they’re wrong if they claim Dragonborn don’t have tails.


      @CulixIII they actually made a sub race for the dragon born that has a tail lol

    • CulixIII says:

      @RELAXINGINWONDERLAND Ha, this is worth learning, so thanks! Glad they eventually took a step to correct their mistake. 😉

  17. Ahab Mc one-leg says:

    The fact there is more room on that shelf should bring us hope in these dark times.

  18. Stretop Overmind says:

    “… and being overall superior to kobolds in every way!”
    Well, kobolds can always call their *dragon* . Who your goblins are going to call?

    Little tinkering multicoloured reptiles > Little barbaric green hairless apes
    every day of the week.

    • Prince_Nocturne says:

      I’m waiting for the Kobold video where he says they’re better than goblins in every way just to be contradictory. Because meta-humor.

  19. WittyUsername816 says:

    “and generally better than kobolds in every way”

    Boy, them’s fightin’ words.

  20. FryoKnight says:

    *Immediately insulted that Kobolds are declared inferior then Goblins, when clearly Kobolds are sub-master race, just behind dragons.*

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