Stephen Colbert’s Cyborgasm: CES 2019

Stephen Colbert’s Cyborgasm: CES 2019

Optimus Prime chairs, wifi-capable wood, and smart bras. Stephen recaps the International Consumer Electronics Show 2019.

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57 Responses

  1. Shashank Shekhar says:

    Smart ass ??? it had usb port for some reason ??

  2. Devin Walton says:

    “To DD.”

    Ugggggh god damnit that was dumb.

    Still love this show .

  3. Napoleon I Bonaparte says:

    I could already imagine a Bluetooth-connected Brief/Boxer and its functions….

  4. Agent Stache says:

    How are you gonna do Cyborgasm and not talk about the vibrator incident at CES?

  5. Bevstarrunner says:

    Saw that battery joke coming from a mile away… and it didn’t disappoint!!

  6. wesley rodgers says:

    Smart TV, smart refrigerator, we just need a smart president.

  7. Tyrant-Den says:

    Any Mark Walberg is too much.

  8. Gargoyle One says:

    I saw that battery joke coming a mile away but still funny

  9. Hylian Ticipated says:

    “The right amount of Mark Wahlberg”. I wonder how many people’s heads that flew over.

  10. Giuseppe Pipia says:

    Among all the CES coverage, this video is the best.

  11. Sunshine4695 says:

    So I’m supposed to buy a ridiculously expensive bra…to tell me my size…. instead of asking a specialist… for free……mkay

    • ImmoralJester says:

      plus its going to be the same for the most part. Most women dont have explosive growth or shrinkage day to day.

    • Chelsea Lindsay says:

      I imagine it’d be more for stores to give multiple customers a high-tech fitting than for one person to buy for themselves. If Victoria’s Secret is any indication, a more accurate fitting would be better for consumers!

    • Aurora Häkli says:

      +Chelsea Lindsay Yeah, not to mention, a lot less intrusive one.

  12. The Snowed One says:

    You know I can tell my bra size too – by looking at the tag before I put it on. 😛

  13. Nik110512 says:

    That smart bra though. Kinda redundant if you’d have to buy a bra in your size that tells you your size

    • niki nikolov says:

      +Meh Jones You must be fun at parties.

    • KryssLaBryn says:

      it’s obviously designed by men. Women know that bras are like shoes, and the sizes are just a starting point, and really only tell you which one of that model is larger than the other.

      If you could go, “I’m a 38D,” (or “I’m a size 7 shoe,” or “10 pants,” or *anything*) and have that be the only info you’d need to get a proper-fitting bra the first time out, this wouldn’t even be necessary.

      Fuck, even with a trained, professional human bra fitter, you still have to try a bunch on before you find one that’s right for you; all they can do is say “Actually, you’re wearing the wrong size; let’s try this one instead.” But you still have to go through that trying-them-on phase because, surprise, there’s more to fitting a bra than just your chest and cup size, and manufacturers’ listed sizes on women’s clothing don’t mean a damned thing anyways.

      The men designers might not have know that, but I guarantee every woman does.

    • Agent Fungus says:

      +KryssLaBryn Uhg. IKR. I hate having to buy new bras. Even if I get the same brand and the same size, they still fit differently than the last one I bought.

    • Ichijo Festival says:

      +KryssLaBryn Ah, I hear what you’re saying…
      I need to spend more time with my fiancee at Victoria’s Secret.
      I’ll certainly try, but despite this perfectly innocent premise, I’ve got this strange feeling she may think it just some cheap ploy to get her in skimpy lingerie.

    • Jethro Q. Walrustitty says:

      The smart bra might be useful for stores that sell bras. Instead of fidgeting around with measuring tape and shit, they could just hand out the smart bra to determine the correct size.

  14. ForeverMe543 says:

    Colbert you are too cute…that last face…

  15. potterpotty01 says:

    USB? That’s so 2015. My ass has an HDMI get with the program Stephen!

  16. Momon says:

    Introducing: The smart brick! It tells you when your milk is about to go off, and the local temperature of Windhoek, the capitol of Namibia! Keep one next to you while you sleep, and it’ll record your dreams and sell them off to the highest bidder! Combine just 8 smart bricks with a smart plank to create an elegant end table! Now for just $16,000!

    This is not the future we wanted…
    But it’s the one we deserve 🙁

    • ᏰĪᏝᏝ ՇÎρɧᏋƦ says:

      Momon It’s the result of morons running the capitalism.

    • RIXRADvidz says:

      marketing to anthropoid hominids, the homo sapiens sapiens see it for the ruse it is and avoid participating in the ”gotta have the next biggest best” contest.

  17. Dream146 says:

    So no mention of how they took an award away from a company for their impressive work to further the field of vibrators for women for being obscene, yet gladly display sexbots and vr porn on their floor?

  18. WiseWordsbyWiki says:

    How about instead of a smart bra we just make a bra that does suck to wear?

  19. New Message says:

    Well I’d never considered watching porn on my garage door… but now I won’t rest until I’ve made it happen.

  20. M0oranshi says:

    actually I could use that bra because my size seems to change in whatever store I’m in for some unknown reason. “Nah, nah buy this overpriced rib-breaking device for 90 dollars it fits perfectly!” NO IT DOESN’T.

    • T H says:

      yeah it can’t tell you your size in the different stores just a general size

    • sdfkjgh says:

      M0oranshi: Henry Ford may have been an absolutely horrendous human being, but he had a few right ideas.  Chief among them was standardization.  Every part A exactly the same, every slot B cut to the same specifications, so that every tab C can fit in them.  Why do we keep moving away from such a great idea?

      I too have noticed that every single department store uses a different measuring system for their clothes, and it infuriates me to no end.  We need a global standard, completely divorced from illusion and self-delusion.  If, for example, the circumference of your waist is 106.68 cm, male or female, then that’s the size that will be printed on the pants.  No more of this stupid separate system of numbers for men and women!

    • T H says:

      +sdfkjgh because the all want to make the most confortable and best looking bras and won’t share their sizing system with the other companies

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