The Rock Diet Plan Attempted by a Real Person

The Rock Diet Plan Attempted by a Real Person

Recently, Muscle & Fitness published Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s diet. As you might expect, the guy who plays Hercules on the big screen requires a steady onslaught of grilled meats and steamed veggies to keep his biceps on fleek.

Now, I’m no world class athlete. But, compared to the other chain smoking Internet bloggers in the Time & Life building, I’m Bo Jackson. I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying that to explain how/why I was pegged to live a day as The Rock and how/why I failed so miserably.

Each meal (and there were SEVEN of them) weighed as much as a Range Rover tire. I’d be forking food into my mouth for five straight minutes, and the plate would look exactly as it did when it was put in front of me. Eating became as psychologically taxing as it was physically painful, but—as someone who can eat a whole frozen pizza like it’s nothing—the volume of food isn’t what derailed me.

You see, not only does The Rock eat A LOT of food, but everything he eats tastes like butt. When Complex asked me to do this project, I kept my aversion to fish a secret which in retrospect was probably a mistake. The Rock eats three pounds of cod on the daily. While I might’ve been able to wolf down one eight ounce filet Fear Factor-style, it was the featured entree in almost every meal. I knew by 10 a.m. that it was going to be a long, shitty day. I was constantly dreading the next meal, which had as much to do with hating the food as it did with being ridiculously full.

Ultimately, I failed to complete The Rock Challenge, but quite frankly it was fool’s errand from the jump. I still wear size 30 jeans like I’m a sophomore in high school. Dwayne Johnson, on the other hand, weighs close to 300 pounds and has a body that burns fuel like a furnace. Yet, for whatever reason (probably to make me puke on Internet TV), we didn’t compromise the diet a single calorie.

I walk away with a newfound respect for Johnson. He’s an athlete-turned-professional wrestling icon-turned box office draw, and, at 43 years old, still wakes up at 4 a.m. so he can mainline sweet potatoes and flip monster truck tires. That sort of career path doesn’t happen unless you have something freakish driving you. If it took you a 20-something media guy hurling in his office bathroom to prove that, then you’re welcome, I guess.

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20 Responses

  1. Totes Magotes says:

    What a stupid asshole.

  2. Noctah says:

    “By a real person”

    The Rock is human too !

  3. Marian G.C says:

    I will like to see a woman who does eats fish doing this challenge plus
    trainer like
    like The Rock … and see how it goes . not a spoiled guy who hates fish
    and trows up eating rise.

  4. dragonknight847 says:

    lol wtf he puked it out how is tht fair, that basically meant tht he didnt
    even eat it

  5. Ramhams1337 says:

    but fish is delicious :O

  6. Justin Wallace says:

    Lol, you don’t start at the same amount that the rock eats! You work your
    way up as increase in size. That way your body get’s used to, and requires
    that much food.

  7. Sydberg says:

    Eats healthy food, pukes. Americans get upset when we make fun of their
    diet, but like WTF ?

  8. Agent Orange says:

    LOLing at this dude. I get up at 2am and go to the gym everyday until 4am.
    Training and eating are fun!!!!!!! I love sculpting my physique, its a
    hobby and a passion. If you love something enough you will find to make it
    a priority…period

  9. KingStivan says:

    remove the leafy stuff and i`ll eat 8 meals a day ! EASY ! im fat its sad

  10. MrHarryam says:

    Because The Rock isn’t a real person.

  11. CloakedCedric says:

    *Picky Real Person who Hates Fish

  12. szabee07 says:

    Have you ever tasted salmon? Salmon steak is one of the greatest food. So
    much food that this guy couldn’t eat is not extraordinary for a guy who
    does bodybuilding. If you workout your body needs more nutrition. Obviously
    he doesn’t live that kind of lifestyle and doesn’t have the physique that
    needs so many calories like The Rock does.

  13. DPunk says:

    Never seen so many walkers employed in the one spot, like take ya fucking
    hats off posers

  14. VaughnJogVlog says:

    All I want to know from this video is what type of Nike shoes he’s wearing.

  15. Alex HH says:

    So much waste of food in the media

  16. paul brunache says:

    maybe he should have created a meal plan for his size O_O?? What is this

  17. mcna says:

    The Rock’s butthole must be sore……From the poops.

  18. pereiramariana35 says:

    i hate cod too, and im portuguese

  19. Bad God says:

    The rock does steroids lad!!!

  20. paulo césar Sotomayor says:

    La dieta de la roca .