Beyond The Black Void – Watchbait

Beyond The Black Void – Watchbait

Mike, Jay, and Rich Evans have returned again to the black void. Their reason today? To talk about a new huge summer blockbuster movie? No. Quite the opposite. They was gonna talk about Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning 2: Dead Reckoning 1, BUT they thought… how many times can one see Tom Cruise do stints? No, this day Mike, Jay, and Rich have returned to the black void to talk about “Watchbait” the movie version of “Clickbait”. Trash that has overrun a once great institution like Tubi. And before you ask, no we wasn’t compensated by Tubi to promote these films. We were just browsing about and saw a trend. A trend of using certain words or phrases in a title to get one to click on their junk film to watch it, only to realize after a few minutes they made the worst mistake of their lives. This particular video wasn’t a Half in the Bag. Nor was it a re:View. Nor was it a Best of the Worst. I guess it could have been a “Talks About” video, but nah. We made a new show called “Beyond the Black Void” and if you ever see one of these again, it’s just Mike, Jay and Rich Evens talking about something of interest. In solidarity with the WGA and SAG/AFTRA strike we decided to talk about movies that in no way whatsoever could have possibly been made under any conceivable union agreement. In fact, I’d be shocked if one of these pictures weren’t some kind of nudie snuff film. Maybe that’s why Jay “downloaded all of them on his dark web server” whatever that means. And yes, it’s 100% true, we did just spring this whole thing on Rich Evans. I rang him up on my landline to tell him to come to the studio. Well, actually I left a message on his answering machine. He showed up coming from the gym where’s he’s done many power squats and asked me “What we shootin’ Mike?” and I tell him to sit down and shut up you shit-for-brains. He sits down, but there is an immediate squish sound. It would appear that Rich had soiled his large diaper. He claimed he didn’t know. He insisted he ONLY wears a diaper when he does power squats at the gym. 1. it helps stifle the sound of any accidental fart release, but also for… you know what. An accidental Hershey squirt. This is apparently what happened. Luckily a very large toddler had died outside our building and I was able to provide Rich Evans with replacement clothing. A lot went into this video. So please, enjoy.

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36 Responses

  1. Goofy Goober says:

    the description really took me on a journey. mike is such a talented storyteller

  2. s bushido says:

    I enjoy that Mike has now roped Jay into the “reading lists of names to Rich” genre of videos.

  3. katakis1 says:

    Rich calling Shark Side of the Moon “Comfortably Dumb” was genius.

  4. Samuel K says:

    When Mike Stoklasa takes a folded up piece of printer paper out of his pocket, you know you’re in for a good time.

  5. George Costello says:

    I actually like Rich’s idea for ‘Noah’s Shark’. I imagine Noah going “What the hell happened to my two unicorns?”.

    • Skeets McGrew says:

      No no, it wouldn’t be mysterious, it would be like the game Raft where he’s trying to protect some animals on one side of the boat and suddenly there’s a loud whinny and he runs over to see half a unicorn sticking out of the shark’s mouth. And he starts hitting it with a big stick yelling “take the donkeys, please anything but the unicorns!!” But it’s like a rally big boat so while he’s patching up one side he hears a Bigfoot roar from the other side and is like “Bartholemew, no!!!!!”

    • Warren Cash says:

      More tragic if it only eats one.

    • dr Getwrekt says:

      the unicorns are still hiding in the forest underwater

    • Brett FromLA says:

      They could create animals, like Wes Anderson did for The Aquatic Life with Steve Zissou.

  6. Alan Blanks says:

    The amount of laughter Rich Evans expels in this video is inversely proportional to the amount of sorrow he’d experience if he was forced to watch these.

    Great video. Made my day.

  7. TechnoSyndrome says:

    I love Mike’s new obsession of reading lists of titles on camera

  8. the_fat_ghost says:

    I love Tubi. It reminds me of the early days of Netflix streaming, a Wild West of no budget garbage, conspiracy “documentaries”, and movies that are not as much art as they are evidence of a crime.

    • irigormo says:

      Recently they loaded up on the Italian giallo/horror category, a few of which are worth a watch for real.

    • Luca Mckenn says:

      Tubi and Peacock have my favorite obscure 80s anime. Peacock in particular has the first iteration of bubblegum crisis: bladerunner meets cop drama meets sailor moon the trifecta combination nobody wanted but works.
      Tubi has angel cop, much much darker show but still very good adult animated show.

    • Fraser ihle says:

      Yeah reminds me of dusty old vhs rental places with all kinds of weird obscure trashy movies to explore

    • AloisWeimar says:

      as apposed to all that shit still on Netflix, Ancient Scampocalypse

    • Eamon Short says:

      Man, never heard of tubi before this video, and maybe I’m just a masochist but your description there really sold me

  9. Billy Vegas says:

    Jay’s hearty laugh is the closest we’ll get to hearing what a Hobbit’s laugh sounded like. Truly magical.

  10. The ElectroNuke (Inactive) says:

    This is a format that deserves to stick. Between Rich calling Shark Side of the Moon “comfortably dumb”, the trailer that almost makes Exorcism at 60,000 Feet look unironically hilarious, and Jay’s reaction to the title of Amityville Backpack, the material they get out of terrible modern film trends would make for some great future episodes.

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