Perception check

Perception check

Why yes, I have been playing Baldurs Gate 3, how did you know?

I’m also in an actual D&D podcast called “Dragon Friends” with a bunch of really funny people and one of the smartest DM’s who has to deal with our shit. I played music for ages and now I’m doing characters. Go listen!

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36 Responses

  1. Anonymous Anonymous says:

    I laughed uncontrollably hard when his immediate response to a npc being short was “I cast vicious mockery”

    • Wolf blood says:

      In the first session of my first campaign the players fought a dwarf who was poisoning people to sell them the cure, and the bard yelled ‘my grandma can grow a better beard than you’ and the dwarf was so insulted he had an aneurism and died immediately.

    • Kali Maude says:

      And this is what sets a bard apart. Anyone can attempt an intimidate check to lower their rolls. Haha, they’re short.
      What sets this apart as truly Vicious Mockery is a brief and vivid trip into a world where a baby was born and everyone was like “where’s the rest of it”, and implying therefore the kid has a NORMAL SIZED HEAD. You can come to terms with being short, but if someone told you in verse that you were short but have a pumpkinlike cranial eminance, some real orange on a toothpick shit? Even if you pass your save, that’s years of therapy.

    • Wretched Egg says:

      @Kali Maude tbf babies are all born with huge heads, and the bard eventually perceived he was short because he was a kid. He just managed to convince the poor kid that his completely normal birth was a sign of a physical defect.

    • Notius says:

      ​@Kali Maude”some real orange on a toothpick shit” fuckin killed me dude

  2. tom cardy says:

    Did you know I’m part of an actual D&D funny podcast “dragon friends”? It’s on streaming or wherever, I played music for a bunch of season and in the last few started playing characters. Check it out it’s very funny, especially the first bunch of seasons before I was there!

  3. Emperor Kiron says:

    The “loot that body” bit hits especially hard for me as a DM, I have a player who upon entering any new room or killing any enemy immediately tries to loot the room/corpse. They consistently roll low, so It always ends up being “you get four copper pieces and a twine of string” or something along those lines.

    • John Ste says:

      The joke turned much less morbid than I thought it would considering we had a bard asking something that was about to disappoint the DM while casting a sly glance. I’m saying its nice he wasn’t trying to fuck the dead kid.

    • Droopsnooot says:

      time to ring tone that shit

    • Gabriel Groenendaal says:

      Why do you make them roll each time though?

      If there’s no time constraint, and the corpses weren’t trying to hide anything in hidden shoe compartments or whatever, shouldn’t the players just find whatever there is to find?

    • GreenRedBlue says:

      Aw c’mon, low rolls are golden opportunities.

      “You find three prophylactics and a sponge. Used.”

      “While groping in the dark corners you feel a small sting. Please add one syringe to your inventory.”

      “You find a parchment scrawled with a desperate plea for help. It promises epic adventure and rewards beyond counting. But before you can read too far your foot slips and land in mud. Please add ‘ball of wet paper’ to your inventory.”

  4. Halcyon says:

    You’re not just a bard. You obviously made a deal with an infernal patron to be capable of producing a bardic inspiration video so powerful as this.

  5. Synkae says:

    “It’s always a kid” I love the idea that Tom has verbally attacks kids without second thought cause he thought they were just short people

  6. Master Yoda says:

    Didn’t think I’d hear a song about a bard soloing an entire enemy encounter by mocking their height, but here we are. Amazing, Tom, as always

  7. tobeyg44 says:

    The amount of storytelling this guy can do in 99 seconds is something else EDIT: I can’t count

  8. General Knight says:

    Tom finally realizing that his antics are accurate to a typical Bard PC is the greatest thing I have witnessed all week.

  9. Ben Holdsworth says:

    “that is the child you’ve been looking for the past 5 actual days of our lives”

    this line, is too relatable to comprehend

  10. cc says:

    the way he sings “my boys are otherwise engaged” singlehandedly absolutely shattered my mind. nobody move. this is a masterpiece

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